Guide to Growing Up in the Philippines

2006-11-10 Transcript of my first Toastmasters speech

Here's a tip: Be careful of dogs. When you see a dog on the street, don't pet it. Instead, walk slowly and try not to get noticed. But once they do notice you, run. Run as fast you can.

If I were to write a book as a guide to growing up in the Philippines, I would put that tip first in the list. For the record, I never got bitten once.

I have a whole list of these tips and I will share some of them with you today.

Tip #1: How to take a shower?

I was fascinated with showers. You see, our house in the Philippines did not have running water. So even though, our house had a shower, we never used it.

Instead, we pumped water from an artesian well into a huge bucket and used pails to take baths. I thought these baths were tedious. First, I had to hold the pail with my left hand, then the soap with my right. As I poured the water, I lathered at the same time. Like this...

[Placed my left hand on my head and my right hand on my chest, resembling a monkey gesture]

In retrospect, it looked really silly.

What was the solution? I waited for the monsoon rains. When the monsoon rains came, I would go outside of our house and stand under the gutter spout and enjoyed the fresh cool water. And like the shampoo ads on television, both my hands were free.

Tip #2: How to own a pet fish?

I wanted to own a pet fish. I asked my father to buy me one several times, but he always said he couldn't afford it. He once warned, "If we buy you a pet fish, there won't be enough money for dinner, then we'll have to eat grass. Do you want to eat grass?"

No, I did not want to eat grass. So I tried to catch my own pet fish in the river near our neighborhood, but my makeshift fishing rod never worked.

So what's the solution? Catch tadpoles. I would go to the little puddles near the rice paddies behind our house. There are tons of them. They are extremely easy to catch and they resembled fish. Well at least, for a couple of days, then they start growing legs. After that, you throw them away.

Tip #3: How to avoid becoming a hunchback?

There's a popular superstition among the kids that if you have fallen from trees more than three times, you will grow up to be a hunchback. Unfortunately, I could replay in my head the many times I have fallen from trees; it was definitely more than three. I was so scared I always ended my prayers with "Bless my family and please don't let me grow to be a hunchback." I'm not hunchback now, so I guess it worked.

And here's the last tip: How to make money?

My friends and I did not have money. Like many kids in the world, we were at the mercy of our parents. Unfortunately, one of the many games we played were betting games. We gambled with rubber bands, tops, and comic book cards. Toys our parents bought us. The problem is eventually they disappear, lost to the kids from other neighborhoods, who had outdone us.

Solution? We made our own currency. We made bills out of cigarette packs. Philip Morris was a dollar, Marlboro's were 5 dollars, and Camel's were 25. We even had coins, using bottle caps, with each brand corresponding to different prices. Since a lot of the adults smoked, we had an unlimited supply of money!

There you go 5 tips to surviving as a kid in the Philippines.